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Sex and the City makes me hate women

I am watching Sex and the City for the first time and blogging my impressions as I watch. You can read the first part (s01E01-S01E04) here.

S01E05

I’m sick and tired of these supposedly cool and chic events, they all look like a drag and all the girls do is wait. Wait to be served, wait to get it, wait to find a man. Can’t they just go to the bar and talk about anal sex?

Is there going to be shoe shopping in every episode?

carrie bradshaw ugly outfit

I have a feather boa like that that I bought for fancy dress when I was 8.

For someone who makes a living as a writer, Carrie appears to read remarkably little.

So all the Italian Carrie ever needs to know is “Dolce, Dolce, Dolce.” This kind of superficiality and lack of interest in anything infuriates me.

Oh my god, I hate every secondary character that appears in the show. Did they have to fill the show with dicks in order to make the girls remotely likeable?

I would never ever eat somewhere where the waiters have to wear golden shirts.

And just in case you forgot about the beautiful/dumb vs ugly/clever dichotomy:

I think you’re too beautiful to be a writer.”

Well, I’ve never woken up after sex to find a thousand dollars on my bedside table. I’d better have a word with the boy. So that’s it, Carrie talking about her “hooker money” instead of asking her annoying friend or the hotel for the guy’s number so that she can, you know, clarify that she’s not a whore.

Of course Charlotte hates the C-word! First LOL-worthy moment.

beautiful cunt sex and the city charlotte

 

 

s01e06

I give a big NO to the naked dress. I find the whole conversation about sleeping with someone on the first date as old as the one about kissing on the first date. If you wanna do it, go for it! If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it! Those stupid rules remind me of when my best friend and I watched American Pie for the first time as teenagers and then elaborated a long, elaborate list of the different bases and argued about the order in which they’d go (base 10 was doing it all again with someone of the same sex as you). That said, if you claim you don’t want to have sex on the first date with someone, why on earth would you wear that ridiculous naked dress?

carrie bradshaw the naked dress

She basically has sex coming out of her crotch.

While we’re on the subject of fashion, who told Carrie pigtails in grown women are a good look?

carrie sex and the city wearing pigtails

And then, come on, what columnist has massive ads on buses featuring pictures of themselves posing sexily? AS IF!

carrie bradshaw penis

But of course this was going to happen!

 

S01E07

Finally a realistic conversation that I can imagine having with my friends. It’s only taken, what, four episodes of bullshit?

miranda i only give head to get head

+1 point to Miranda.

Interesting that Skipper would be the bastard to do this:

you're breaking up with me while you're still inside of me?

 

Why doesn’t Carrie even say anything to Mr. Big about the fact that he seems to be dating every other woman in NY? Does she have no self respect? If they’re hanging out to the point that her friends complain about not seeing her, shouldn’t she have had the talk about seeing other people? I’m very confused.

What are your plans for the future?

Well, I plan on getting a lot of blowjobs in the future.”

It’s so obvious that this guy is getting his balls licked by his dog…

S01E08

One thing is looking at somebody’s ex on facebook, I’m sure we’ve all been there, but pitching her a book and becoming intimate in order to find out stuff about their relationship is a bit extreme, amiright? Why the hell is Miranda asking her therapist if he’d have a threesome with her? We’re seeing all kinds of female insecurity in this episode and they all come from external sources, from what others are like or what others might think about them. Am I a prude? Am I a bitch? Am I not sexy enough? Is she better? Is she hotter? Is she sexier? Will he leave me if I don’t fulfil his fantasy? It makes me sick.

sex and the city x files fans

These two are my favourite thing from the series so far.

 

s01e09

Oh my god, this one’s about weddings. Let’s take a moment to remember the time when I flew from Munich to attend my cousin’s wedding and I was sat in a corner surrounded by children or adults I had little to talk about with. If I ever have a wedding those two are getting a children’s menu.

 

I hope these two end up having sloppy drunken sex.

I hope these two end up having sloppy drunken sex.

Ugh. This whole I wanna get married but he doesn’t, I don’t know if I want to get married but I don’t like that he doesn’t want to, he really wants to get married but I don’t, etc. is totally exhausting, especially when it’s coming from people who are at the beginning of a relationship. Let it be and if you really are in love and have been for years and years then bloody talk about it and reach an agreement. People do things they don’t really want to or give up things they really wanted for love. You can’t think about marriage when you should be focusing on building a strong relationship!

The ultimate friendship test? Sorry but my feet are not touching yours NO WAY.

The ultimate friendship test? Sorry but my feet are not touching yours NO WAY.

 

S01E10

I am glad baby showers aren’t a thing in Spain, but what’s with all the woman hate? It shocks me that they can be so sexually open sometimes and then so judgemental the next second. Are all women here Mean Girls? And they seem to be jealous of this woman too, do they all secretly want to marry, have babies and move to Connecticut?

I suppose these are the early 90s?

I suppose these are the early 90s?

carrie bradshaw missed period

Very believable.

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sex and the city gif i can eat anything

Erm…no, because we can all eat anything we want.

OH MY GOD I FEEL SICK. How can a woman delight in how fat a pregnant woman must be? You know it’s not actual fat and there is a baby in there, right?  And again that stereotype of mothers losing their own identity with Miranda saying she “lost two sisters to motherhood.” I’m gonna end up sounding like a married housewife with a dozen kids, but as a woman I feel disgusted, and while I’ve seen a fair amount of gossip and shit talking, nothing tops this.

So I am equally disgusted by Charlotte’s hysteric admiration of everything that looks like the suburban bliss every woman should aspire to. IS THERE GOING TO BE NO CHARACTER I LIKE IN THIS SHOW? Right when I think “oh yeah, I can relate to that” they proceed to do or say something completely idiotic. They all embody supposedly feminine traits that I despise.

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Of course the wild singles are all wearing black and the married women are wearing pink and yellow. So. Much. Yellow.

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I no longer feel sorry for this woman. This is everything I hate about “womanhood.” Are you jealous because I’m thin? Are you jealous because I’m fat? Are you jealous because I’m single? Are you jealous because I’m married? Stop with the jealousy, already!

sex and the city gif you gotta get serious

And you gotta look like Shirley Temple on LSD too.

Of course the single women identify with the witch in Hansel and Gretel, because all childless women are witches.

I think this series might be the end of my relationship. My boyfriend is giving me pretty bad looks right now “five minutes of this series is enough to make me so angry, really.” At least we share outlooks, breakup averted.

OH MY GOD. YOU USED MY SECRET BABY NAME!! This makes me feel like once when I was in preschool and a classmate said I was copying her when I coloured a girl’s dress pink because pink was HER favourite colour. I was like, “sorry dude, I didn’t know you owned the colour.” Charlotte, you don’t even have a boyfriend so why the fuck do you have a secret baby name that you have already decided on? And why the fuck do you get so upset about it? And why don’t any of her friends tell her that’s unreasonable? Excuse the swearing, but this makes me so violent. I understand this when for example you’re named after your mother and grandmother and you want your future babies to follow the tradition, but even then, why can’t another woman’s baby have the same name as yours? I need a break.

THE HOUSE OF HUMILIATION? Why? Because you lead a different lifestyle? Are we all humiliated by those women who have managed to get closer to the definition of adulthood that we know? This is bullshit.

Charlotte has a wishbox? HOW OLD IS THIS WOMAN? And she has presents for her unborn baby? I hope she gets pregnant and has a boy who grows up resenting his mother for wanting a baby girl.

The saddest thing I've ever seen on TV.

The saddest thing I’ve ever seen on TV.

“If you are [pregnant] you are” I like how nobody even makes an allusion to abortion.

Of course the pregnant woman will make a fool of herself, because Carrie and the gang are the coolest and we all need to know that. Yawn.

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Why are Carrie’s nipples hard all the time?

 

I am watching Sex and the City for the first time and blogging my impressions as I watch. You can read the first part (s01E01-S01E04) here.   

3

The one in which I watch Sex and the City

Hello, my name is Andrea and I’ve never watched Sex and the City. Well, I lie, I have occasionally sort of half watched some episodes while doing something else, but I don’t think I’ve ever watched a complete one. I just never saw the appeal, maybe because I don’t buy that the main character can live like that writing a column, maybe because I think they all look terribly stupid or maybe because, well, I was not a thirtysomething woman and the only shoes I care about are vans. Some years ago my girly friends often talked about which one of the characters they resembled the most and I was left there sitting in my own world thinking that the fictional character I resembled the most was Rob Gordon from High Fidelity. Thankfully nobody else in my circle cared about this show except for my dad, who bizarrely seems to like it, so I was spared these conversations and never felt forced to watch it… until now. The thing is, with them being unmarried and childless, somebody could ask why this show doesn’t fall into my thesis topic, and although I know that it doesn’t–or at least I hope so–I can’t argue my way out of that without watching it.

S01 E01

This hasn’t even started and I feel like I’m watching a series about Gala Darling.

I don’t think white tutus should be worn unless you’re, you know, on stage dancing ballet. Right now I’m imagining grown women googling “Carrie Bradshaw tutu diy” and something is dying inside me.

sex and the city screen cap season 1

Rain reflecting the emotional turnmoil of a two week relationship.

Wait a minute, is this supposed to be set in the 80s?

sex and the city looks like the 80s

Just when I was starting to wonder if the main characters have any male friends one came up…but he’s gay.

Shit, I’m not the only one who says “it’s research” after every stupidly immature thing they do. I hope nobody thinks I’m copying Carrie.

Oh right, the gay friend and the nerd friend. I see.

OH MAN I ALWAYS THOUGHT MR BIG WAS MR BIG BECAUSE OF HIS MASSIVE PENIS! What a disappointment.

does mr big have a big penis

The most important thing I’ve googled all day

I don’t get it, what’s with the sex noises when they’re only kissing? Who makes that kind of noise when they kiss?

Now that I know it was created by Darren Star I’m scared I will like it. Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place are two of my guilty pleasures.

Continue Reading →

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Beverly Hills 90210: Season 2

I stated my never-ending love for Beverly Hills 90210 (the original) when I wrote about the first season. And although I’m sure incredulous minds would never think I was serious when I said I’m going to watch it all again, I am in fact dead serious. And I am loving it all over again.

 

This season saw David Silver becoming one of the cool kids, something that clearly could only ever happen if his former best friend Scott accidentally killed himself on his birthday. The moral of the story is:
If you have uncool friends, murder them.
Then you’ll be one of the cool kids.
As a result, the second half of the season sees the beginning of his relationship with Donna Martin. I like this couple because they’re stupid, childish and hilarious. They’re the only people on the show who don’t constantly come up with pseudo-moralistic crap that I don’t need to hear. I like that Donna seems to be claiming a personality of her own other than Kelly’s shadow, because Kelly bores me to death. The only interesting thing that happens to her all season is that she nearly gets raped.

Talk about pattern clashing.

 

Speaking about sex, why is it that tacky effects are used every time Kelly Taylor talks about virginity? Can anybody answer this question?

 

Next on my hate list. Actually, first on the hate list are still Brandon and Brenda’s parents. Thankfully they seem to feature less prominently this season, which leaves some space for the glamorous, cheating, divorced, pregnant and famous Beverly Hills parents. Who wears a tie with a pumpkin on it for Halloween? And why do they keep on trying to make Brenda and Dylan break up? Having a recovering alcoholic surfer as a boyfriend is the only thing that makes Brenda Walsh remotely interesting.

Some sexy outfits right there.
Oh Dylan, you look so upset all the time.
Dylan McKaye is a dangerous dude. This is probably because Luke Perry was actually a million years old when this show was being filmed and all his real life experience is reflected on his acting. Probably. He is so dangerous that the only costume he agrees to wear for Halloween is one of a criminal, that’s how dangerous he is.

“I’m talking from a swimming pool, this is like totally revolutionary”
But the most dangerous of all has to be Emily Valentine. I mean, she writes anonymous letters and lies all the time! She tries to set fire to things! She is mysterious! She knows all about clandestine nightclubs! She takes drugs! I remember hating Emily Valentine the first time I watched this show when I was a kid. I’m not surprised I did, it’s like they tried to make her as unattractive as possible to subtly indicate that she is no good. This can be observed clearly comparing the before and after of the state of her hair colour. I warn you, there is a very elaborate theory here.
Before going to a psychiatric hospital her blonde hair has grown enough to show dark roots, clearly a metaphor for the darkness of her mind. Because, you know, brunettes are evil, and girls who don’t take proper care of their hair are even more evil.
 
Once she is at the psychiatric hospital, her roots are no longer there and her hair is perfectly dyed. Blondes have  more fun and no mental problems, so she must be getting better.

Other highlights of the season:
– Dylan and Brenda’s trip to Mexico. What a pair of rebels.
– The drama teacher falling for Andrea. Very believable.
– Donna dressed as a mermaid.
– Brenda almost getting shot.
– The bridesmaid dresses at Jackie and Mel’s wedding. Loved them at the age of 8, still love them now.

Who’s your favourite 90210 character?
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Beverly Hills 90210: Season 1

When I was 8 years old Beverly Hills 90210 was my favourite thing on TV. I liked it better than cartoons and I watched it more often than I watched Disney films. No wonder I am now a pseudo-grown up wanting to write a thesis about teenage films. 18 years later, I have decided to finally revisit the series from beginning to end.
I have to admit that I don’t remember watching the end of 90210, but I remember watching the beginning about a million times on an VHS tape. What I didn’t remember was how dramatic it is. Seriously, on the first season they cover sex, unwanted pregnancies,  cancer, date rape, teenage mothers, alcoholism, aids, adoption, divorce and probably other “deep” topics that I’m forgetting. So what was in it that could be so appealing to a young and impressionable child? I’m still trying to figure it out. Probably clothes.
This is my favourite 90210 moment ever.
I had this episode on video and I loved it so much that my cousin and me recorded the song onto a tape and learnt the dance to perform in front of the family. It left such a deep mark on our young selves that we did it again at her wedding last month.

This is probably the reason why I’ve never even attempted to go blonde.

During the first episodes I struggled to remember why Donna was my favourite. I quite liked Brenda too because she had dark hair like me, but Donna? Why? A few days later I found the answer:
  • She is practically retarded, which makes her more child-like.
  • She is the only one who doesn’t talk about sex.
  • She wears ridiculous clothes that make her seem like the human version of a Barbie doll.
  • She also wears some adorable stuff.
Here’s Donna’s version of Topshop’s sailor coat.
Isn’t their dress nice? I love it even now! I remembered this episode vividly because it’s the one where Dylan and Brenda do it. What I didn’t remember about it was this amazing scene where Andrea daydream’s she’s murdering Kelly for going to prom with Brandon.
Andrea Zackerman, probably the reason why I didn’t like my name as a kid. Kelly makes fun of her because it sounds “exotic” and “pretentious”. I hated that as much as I hated the fact that she’s officially “the ugly girl” who behaves like a mother. Her best moment is clearly when she offers to have sex with Brandon saying she is her present while riding a carousel. I laughed so hard I had to watch it a few times. Amazing.
The next people on my hate list are Brandon and Brenda’s parents. I don’t remember having any feelings towards them as a kid, but they annoy me so much that I sometimes think I am a 16 year old when I watch the show. I especially hate the father with his stupid little keyboard. I mean, look at this picture.
One of my favourite things about this show now are the stupid outfits. When I was a kid, watching this made me want to be a fashion designer, and all I did all day was listening to the Grease soundtrack while drawing stupid dresses with black and white triangle prints that nobody would ever wear. I would also wear red and white polka dot shorts with flowery leggings, just like Kelly Taylor does on the first episode. And a denim waistcoat. And I had a shirt that I called my “Kelly Taylor shirt”. Anyway, here are some reasons to be glad the early nineties are long gone:

Thankfully I never attempted to rock the white sock trend. What I’m sure I would have wanted, had I been observant enough to notice it, is this amazing poster art:

I never knew Matthew Perry was in 90210.
Wuthering Heights! Who would’ve thought 90210 is actually high culture.
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